We all want our best friend at our side on wedding day, but sometimes your best friend isn’t exactly maid of honor material. Sometimes she’s not even bridesmaid material. I dealt with this first hand, and it was my single regret about my own big day. My cousin got married a month after me, and she had the same problem. So it occurred to me that I should make a list to help other brides stay away from this unnecessary stress.
1.Pick someone who knows how to plan a FUN party.
My bridal shower consisted of my mother-in-law and 30 of her closest friends, and no wine! I got a lot of great gifts, and it was beautiful. My maid of honor ended up never throwing me a bridal shower, so later I was obviously grateful to have a party with no wine rather than no party at all. But be warned, you want a maid of honor that is willing to throw you a shower amidst your own friends.
2. Don’t be afraid to go full on bridezilla
I’m not saying go crazy, or be overly selfish. I was very scared to be too assertive, because we were barely paying for anything, and I didn’t want to seem high maintenance, or too rude, or too anything. So to save myself the drama I just picked my best friend as my maid of honor. When what I should have done was make the tough choice to pick the friend best suited for the job.
3. Tell your Maid of Honor what you want
My cousin was smarter than I was, and she actually asked her MOH to step down. She let another, more organized bridesmaid take over. No ones feelings were hurt, and my cousin had a great shower, bachelorette party, and a beautiful stress-free wedding. I wish I would have followed her lead. My MOH even asked me several times what she needed to do, but I just kept putting it off. I didn’t want overwhelm her. After all, couldn’t she just google it? Apparently not, and It’s my fault for assuming she would take the initiative. So speak up on whats important to you, and what you expect from her. She will feel just as relieved as you to know what being MOH is going to entail.
4. Go with the flow
If things don’t end up going the way you planned, as they rarely do, just remember to roll with the punches. The only truly important thing is the love that brought you there. If you’ve picked your bridesmaids as best you can, hopefully they will help make your day as smooth as possible.
5. Talk softly, but carry a big stick
I ended up 30 min late to my own wedding, because I was busy dealing with things my MOH should have been doing. Instead of helping me get ready or decorate, she and another bridesmaid were chugging vodka. They were drunk by the time they hit the aisle. This is after they were both 2 hours late to the rehearsal dinner. Do yourself a favor and use force if you have to. Pick your responsible friends as bridesmaids, not the ones just dying for another party. It might seem like a small detail, but it can become a large problem very quickly. It also might be extremely hard to tell one of your friends that they didn’t make the cut, but make sure you delicately explain why. Stand by your decision unless they are unmistakably serious about making a commitment to you and your big day.
Although my “bad bridesmaids” make for an entertaining story, I hope this list helps you choose the best bridesmaids. Because in the end they are supposed to be there to help you feel stress free, not stressed out!